Temperamental - cheeky

Friendliness, consideration, empathy, cooperation, helpfulness, attentiveness, dedication,

Point of contact, common ground, sense of connection, danger, support, affection, zeal,

Enthusiasm, security, matter of the heart, instinct, relationship, spiritedness, love, buddy,

The chosen one, confidante, comrade, female friend, interest, commitment, energy, fire, effort, feelings, eccentricity,

Dynamics, exertion, attention, momentum, devotion, inclination, high pressure, white-hot intensity, mood,

Great haste, conclusion, agreement, appreciation, soul, steadfastness, loving nature, talent,

Supervision, loss, encouragement, stability, boredom, test of courage, anxiety disorder, refusal.

I have always been a very spirited soul;

The intense pressure consumed me,

and so my intensity was perhaps a bit too much.

The crux of the matter is this:

I crave a great deal of care and attention—

yet that love and affection I never received.

I hold so much energy within me; a fire burns deep inside.

The turbulent ebb and flow of my emotions—

my devotion and my efforts,

my white-hot fury, my utter sense of loss,

my sense of connection and my consideration

for everyone and anyone—no one ever sees it.

No female friend, no confidante—there is no one left for me.

I deeply miss the things I shared with my buddy;

but those days are over now. The well of empathy has run dry; my feelings have gone numb. There is no longer any room in my life for my sense of connection or my kindness; I have lost my enthusiasm.

What was the point of all the effort? Of the momentum I built up, believing I possessed a talent I could not even use—simply because no one cared?

My instincts have never failed me.

Yet I lost support from every quarter long ago.

I have given up on my relationships and my collaborative efforts.

I was the "chosen one"—always in such a rush.

And yet, my willingness to commit—

to work on myself and make changes—remained immense.

The danger lay in the fact that everything felt so terribly—

so *off*; my sense of security was no longer guaranteed.

I was terrified. A colleague claimed she had a solution—

one that would actually work. But once again, my—

good nature was shamelessly exploited.

My own solution to all of this is simply this: my consent to participate.

Ultimately, it is all just a matter of the heart—deciding whom you allow to share in your life,

and from whom you choose to accept help.

I am interested in improving my state of mind—

but only on the condition that it is met with mutual appreciation.

I require the assurance—the *oversight*—that my personal growth is sustainable; that, in the end,

a spirit of loving interaction is fostered—where work is done with heart, with total commitment and zeal,

and without any inclination to say, "No, I don't want that."

No more arguments; my soul has spoken.

And that oversight—that guidance—now belongs to *me*; it is an integral part

of this new beginning in my life.

And really, all that says is: UTTERLY AUDACIOUS.